Some Cube Dwellers Like It…

A former fellow cube-prisoner I once had left her job for a new one (with the government!) and we stayed in touch as friends are wont to do. Evidently, there was enough soullessness in working for the government that she thrived there. Here is an email conversation we had shortly after she started:

Subject: why I freakin love my job today

“Eryka”* wrote:
1-  I email my boss at the last minute asking if I can take extra long breaks today, she says, sure, just write it down later if you are going to make it up or take annual leave.  So I take an hr and forty minute lunch for N—‘s [her son’s] christmas party, and 30 minutes for my 15 minute break. R— [her old boss] never would have had that.

2- I’m sitting here working, when the area administrator (the guy over like 5 counties) comes over and starts showing me how to stream his favorite Beatles station, since he knows C—- [her other son] loves the Beatles (yeah, I know how to use media player, but I’ll let the guy sit over here and mess around on my computer.)

3- I have a cubicle with high walls, and I have a vibrating seat cushion with a heat pad that probably only annoys the three people with cubicles adjacent to mine.

4- I get to exert my control freak tendencies over my clients, who are reliant on me to eat.  mwaa-ha-haaa.  


Evil Bekka wrote:

Alas, working for the government has turned you evil… I need one of those jobs… I feel I’m not bitter and sarcastic enough…

Eryka wrote:

And another thing, we are allowed a maximum of 2.5 hrs overtime per week, only if pre-approved.

~(This is significant, because the job we had worked at together demanded at least 10 hrs OT a week, but it wasn’t mandatory, but you’d better do it if you were a “team player.” It especially stressed her out because she was a single mom and needed to have some time with her kids.)~

If people don’t have their papers in on time and their benefits are late, and they are like, “My kids are starving!” I’m like, “Too bad, so sad.  have you tried calling a temp agency to see if you can get any work until I have your case done?  Or if you don’t have any food, do I need to call CPS?”

Yes, I have become a truly hard-hearted bureaucrat.

Anyway, Merry Christmas!

*names have been changed to protect the guilty
I think she is still working for them and no doubt wielding her power cruelly and efficiently. The moral of the story is Don’t settle for being oppressed and miserable when you could get a job that lets you be the Oppressor and Misery-Spreader (try the Government!). 
But seriously, she’s an amazing person and I know she really does help tons of people and the government is lucky to have her. 🙂


One Response to “Some Cube Dwellers Like It…”

  1. DoubleGrace Says:

    Brilliant and funny!

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