Assembly Line Burger Please

So I was driving yesterday and saw a billboard advertising “Hand-Breaded Chicken Sandwiches.” That set off an internal monologue rant going something like this:

“What does that even mean?? That you put hands in the bread crumbs? Is there blood in the ‘special sauce’ too? While we’re on the subject, what’s with the advertising trend for ‘Hand Crafted Burgers?’ When did slapping some meat, veggies and sauce between two pieces of bread in under two minutes become a ‘craft’? Do you need special training and certification to be a Burger Crafter? Is it Folk Art?

Stop trying to appeal to yuppie gourmands already! You are a fast food place. People give you their money in exchange for quick, cheap, greasy deliciousness, not for a ‘Dining Experience;’ accept this and deal with it. Besides, all that talk of hand crafting, hand breading and hand spun milkshakes conjures up images of your underpaid, unwashed, nose-picking hands all over the things I’m about to put in my mouth.

Can we please have some food prepared by sanitary robots?

At least Pal’s knows what appeals to their target market:

That’s right. Bacon. Quick, cheap, greasy deliciousness.”

What advertising trends are you sick of? Do you like the idea of hand-crafted food? Tell me why in the comments!


8 Responses to “Assembly Line Burger Please”

  1. Haha, I thought I was a little crazy for asking myself what the hell “hand crafted” anything was at a fast food place. I’m glad you verbalized it. I don’t even like to stand at the counter after having placed my order; I prefer to believe the restaurant has a magical device that creates my order without human hands touching it. Great post.

  2. DoubleGrace Says:

    LMAO!!!!! I can’t think of any immediately, but I have had similar thoughts about all of these “hands” touching my food! (The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Hmmm?) I know there is advertising that irks me. I’ll come back when I think of it.

    Meanwhile, thanks for cracking me up once again! 🙂

  3. Evil Bekka Says:

    Oh good, I felt a little crazy for having such a strong reaction to a billboard… at least I’m not alone. When will someone invent the Replicator from Star Trek so nothing ever touches our food?? It will just materialize right in front of us…

  4. This is (of course) a problem that had not occurred to me. I love that I can always count on you to illuminate new and different ways that the universe is out to kill us. 🙂

    • Evil Bekka Says:

      Maureen, even I know that hand-crafted fast food is unlikely to kill me — most of the time. What I seem to specialize in is destroying people’s ability to enjoy things that squig me out… like shrimp. and hot dogs. and eating off the floor. and microwaving styrofoam or plastic. If you never want to enjoy those things again, I’ll tell you about them 😉

  5. Reading your blog to Dad, Aaron and Kaitlyn. We’re cracking Up!!!

  6. Can I get some Pink Slime with that burger? Or, is that just for kids in our schools?

    I remember reading about McNuggets a while back — one will notice that they are not advertising they come from breast meat, you know…

    And Hot Dogs! Talk about real meat nutrition…

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