I Introduce Mr. Taz-E-Boy to a New Friend

So, I have a taser. Not necessarily for use on other people mind you; I live in a lovely small town in a rural area with a low crime rate. There are lots of opportunities for hiking, biking, and camping and such and did you know that you can use a taser to cure snake and spider bites? That’s why I originally got it. And I did use it for that once on a nasty spider bite that just kept getting worse and more gross after a week, so I talked my little brother into zapping it (he did not need much convincing). The swelling went down within an hour and it was scar tissue by evening. So, there’s some anecdotal scientific data for you.

While Mr. Taz-E-Boy (as I call it) is purportedly for first aid uses, what tends to really happen is that at certain kinds of parties people get a few drinks in them and dare each other to taser themselves or others. This is fun for everyone. The standing rule is no non-consensual tasing and mostly there isn’t, although the story of “Emma” will inevitably come up as a point of debate on this rule…

I met Emma at an awesome Halloween Party a couple years ago. We had some mutual friends and got to talking. She was dressed as Bellatrix LeStrange, she has a huge vocabulary, she is an artist and a gamer and a wonderful cook (her flourless chocolate cake is just… well, Foodgasm is the best way to describe it). I developed an immediate Girl Crush. We commenced hanging out and inviting each other to future parties. At a game night not so long after this, some of my friends were going on about how evil I was and that you should watch your back around Bekka, and so on. Emma put forth the theory that I couldn’t really be that bad; they were just saying that because I was a terribly wicked opponent in games. I nonchalantly said, “Oh no, I really am quite evil. I shall have to find a way to prove it to you.” And later in the evening, I found a way. I announced to her, “I will prove that I am evil by introducing you suddenly and without warning to Mr. Taz-E-Boy.” Now if she had said “No, don’t do that — I have a heart condition/electricity phobia/etc!” I would have certainly not gone any further with it. But she didn’t say anything. Her eyes widened and one eyebrow arched quizzically as if to say “Oh, really?” That sounded like consent to me. So I told her, “Not now though. I’ll wait until you’ve forgotten about it.”

A month or so later, there was another game night going on and when it was not either of our turns, I sent Emma a text message. I was sitting right next to her, but she figured that I was communicating some snide, out of game comment so she flipped open her phone and saw the following message:

Bzzzzzt!

I gave her about two seconds to process this, turn into a ninja and react with an elbow to my face before I applied Mr. Taz-E-Boy to her upper arm. She did not turn into a ninja quickly enough. Now, she had on long sleeves and Mr. Taz-E-Boy is only 50,000 volts, but you will still definitely notice it. She jumped, screamed and then laughed (I told you she was cool). She even declined to tase me back, as I immediately offered to let her do.

She is the one who later gave me the nickname of “Evil Bekka” to differentiate me from another Becca in our circle of friends who could not possibly be considered evil by any stretch of the imagination… I have since then introduced Emma to much more pleasant things, like the Firefly Series, my home made cheesy fries and countless board games. Plus, she now has a fun story to tell about the time she got tasered — if that’s not a good icebreaker, I don’t know what is.

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3 Responses to “I Introduce Mr. Taz-E-Boy to a New Friend”

  1. We are LOL! Really. Not just politely writing “LOL”. You are so funny and clever, Bekah and slightly evil, which is good. Because being only slightly evil, you can live to tell about it. 🙂

  2. […] believe I previously mentioned the fun party game of daring tipsy people to taser themselves. Well that pales in comparison to The Jumping Jacks. This one wasn’t even a crazy party, just […]

  3. […] all remember the time I said I was going to tazer Emma? Well, that entertaining situation came about because when I say I’m going to do something I […]

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