Why Our Neighbors Keep Moving Away

I live on a quiet cul-de-sac in a well-established and “nice” neighborhood. They tell me the school district is great (I don’t have kids, so I don’t really care) and there is a country club and golf course just down the road. The people who live here tend to be families who cook out on Sunday afternoons and greet each other as they walk their dogs in the evenings. However, since my husband “Garian” and I moved in, the neighbors across the street and next door to us have moved away (a couple of times). I thought “oh, that’s a shame — they must have gotten a different job… or maybe there’s some problem with those houses…” Turns out that the across the street neighbors only moved over to the next neighborhood. Hm. So I began thinking about our neighborhood and its demographics and how we may (or may not) fit in here. Now, I think we’re pretty awesome people to begin with; sure we throw our share of parties, but we don’t get too rowdy; we keep the house and yard up and we aren’t criminals or anything. We even greet people in the evenings when walking our dogs. But then, thinking back, I began to compile a list of our quirks that may be contributing to the local real estate turnover.

1. We Play Rock Band. Sometimes we play it quite late and if the windows are open, I imagine it’s less than peaceful outside. But this isn’t a nightly or even weekly occurrence. Surely the occasional yowling wouldn’t make anyone move away. Unless they heard me singing the Beastie Boys — that’s just… well, it’s epic… not in a good way. I sing “Sabotage” as only a tipsy Southern white girl with no vocal training can sing it. Usually the rest of the band fails out from laughing so hard; I tell myself that means I won.

Trogdor, the Mighty Snow Troll

2. Trollstice Day. Far be it from me to accuse anyone of religious intolerance, but maybe our ex-neighbors didn’t want to raise their children right next to people who celebrate Trollstice Day. Trollstice Day occurs on the first good, heavy, wet snow day of the year. On this day — or the next couple days after, depending on when people are free — good friends gather in our yard to drink fancy hot chocolate drinks and to construct a Snow Troll. And I do mean construct — with tools and ramps and everything — this bad boy was close to life size and equipped with an icicle-studded shield and mace.

The man in this picture is at least 6'2" for an idea of scale.

When he starts to melt (or when I start imagining him coming to life at night) we give him a troll-worthy demise: a glorious death in battle. Swords are involved. We try to do it when children are in school to spare them the traumatic sight. See? See how considerate we are??

3.  The Front Yard is Sometimes a Dojo. Speaking of swords, some of our friends are martial artists with some weapons specialties. Shortly after Garian had suffered a back injury and was confined to a back brace, his friend “Bear” came over to cheer him up and show him the shiny new katana he’d recently bought. This was not for display only — you really could fight samurai with it. One thing led to another and when I got home from work that day I was greeted with the improbable sight of my husband standing in the driveway (back brace and all) winging tennis balls across the front yard at Bear who was slicing them in half mid-air in true ninja style. The yellow felt carnage littering the yard was gruesome evidence of how long they’d been at it.

Now that I think about how weapons training in the front yard may unnerve some people, perhaps I should consider practicing knife-throwing in the back yard from now on…

4. Garian May Be A Mad Scientist. Now, that’s not necessarily a negative — mad scientists are hot and all — BUT, well just watch this:

Yeahhhhh. So that’s a home made remote control hovercraft he’s testing in the cul-de-sac. He used to have a remote control car too until one Independence Day when he and my little brother (who is a bad influence) thought it would be really awesome to install rocket boosters (assorted fireworks) on the car and drive it up and down the street. Now don’t get me wrong; it did work and all, but the lessons learned included Duct Tape Will Melt, RC Cars Aren’t Meant To Go That Fast, Dogs Really Freak Out Over Fireworks Combined With RC Cars and The Fire Extinguisher Works. He is now very into Remote Control Airplanes and makes more responsible choices with those. Fortunately, the newest across-the-street-neighbors think RC Planes are cool and Garian is teaching them the hobby. He has also built and launched rockets while I was out of town. Our basement looks like a hardware store and a hobby shop had a few too many, yakked everywhere and then tried to clean it up with board games.

5. Sometimes We Forget To Close The Bedroom Window… And I’m a screamer.

See there now, that’s only five things that might make people consider living elsewhere to be in their best interests. Just five! The house next door to us is for sale now; it’s a in a great neighborhood with really good school districts, a golf course right down the road and… no? But we’ll invite you over for Trollstice Day and everything!!


4 Responses to “Why Our Neighbors Keep Moving Away”

  1. Another great Evil Bekka blog. But I didn’t need to read #5 LOL!

  2. Great read – do hope #5 is from “Garian” leaving you gift in the toilet!!!

    • Nope. It’s exactly what it sounds like 😉 I did say right up front that I’m evil — read at your own risk…

  3. Great post…ya’ll sound like fun neighbors. Very fun indeed.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: