The Worst Thing I Ever Said

Continuing the trend of confessing the Worst Things Ever, I’m going to relate the circumstances under which I uttered probably the most vicious profanities of my life thus far. Has anyone ever played Serenissima? I have, once. In the game, players represent a merchant family during the Renaissance and attempt to balance trading and commerce with economic piracy. You have a fleet of ships to purchase and move various commodities around the Mediterranean while also keeping well manned ships to attack and defend against other player’s fleets.

Well, Garian and Neal were teaching me the game and we all were more or less going about our trading businesses without so much as a minor skirmish. Every time there looked to be a confrontation, Garian would insist, “We are a Peaceful People” and his ships would pass mine in safety.

Eventually, I had to invest most of my ships in securing a critical delivery which, if made, would give me enough points to win the game. Garian chose this time to attack and capture my capital city out of the blue despite our ongoing alliance because “there just hasn’t been enough conflict in this game yet” (Losing control of your capital is crippling and I could not then win).  I shrieked at him, “Hey! I thought you were a Peaceful People!!” His smug reply was something like, “Oh we are. A Very Peaceful People. Now.”

I proceeded to say the Worst Thing I Ever Said. If I transcribed it here, I’m afraid I’d have to give this post a Mature Rating and it could not really compare anyway to hearing it firsthand in all its enraged glory. It took about 3 minutes to finish saying and involved the creative use of every curse word I know in a couple of languages combined with very unladylike speculations as to the Peaceful People’s ancestry, activities, and appearances. I don’t know if Garian had heard me say so much as “damn” before then, as I only use curse words when I really mean them.

Finally, I ran out of breath and colorful expletives and turned my fleet around in a cold fury to retake my capital and destroy the offending invasion force, which I did. With Garian’s fleet sufficiently decimated, Neal seized the opportunity to mop up what was left of his territories and become the dominant power while what remained of my sad armada went to try to take the delivery on anyway. Neal prevented my delivery and won the game. And we never played Serenissima again.

After the game there was no resentment on either side; we trash talk in game, but always leave it at the table (Garian’s ex, however, once gave him the silent treatment for several days after a surprising in game betrayal). We laugh about it now, but all anyone has to say is “We are a Peaceful People” in any game to set me off on a swear-riddled tirade about what they can do with their Peaceful People.

“Untrustworthy are the Peaceful People, for they shall stab you in the back.”

What are the worst things you’ve said over a game? Have you ever lost real life friendships over gaming? Discuss! And play some Peaceful Games this weekend!


2 Responses to “The Worst Thing I Ever Said”

  1. I’m a firm believer in the truism “all’s fair in love and boardgames”

    But I also don’t play games where there is a traitor with J. anymore 😉

    • Evil Bekka Says:

      lol, I don’t think J. plays games where there is a traitor anymore simply because we will all assume it’s him 🙂 Or poor Greg…

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