9 Steps to Empathy — Guest Post!

This post was written by a good friend and reader, hmtee — with her permission, I am sharing with you. I have edited a little and added just a bit (including some quick illustrations), but this is basically what she wrote. Men, I know you probably would rather not know about all this,  but truly, this is what every woman would tell you if she didn’t think you’d be grossed out, turned off, or roll your eyes at her.  For all of you who don’t understand females, here is a rare glimpse into our world:

Dear Ignorant Man who informed me “Women’s periods aren’t really THAT bad”:

So that you can totally grasp how I — along with every other woman on the planet — feel every month, allow me to instruct you in taking the following necessary steps:

1) Hit yourself hard enough in the head with any object of your choice to cause a throbbing headache and nausea.

2) Drink 5 gallons of water and retain it ALL… How do your skinny jeans feel now, Sparky?!?

3) While holding that water, please get your strongest friend to kick you in the stomach as hard as they can.

4) Swallow 3 Ex-lax to give yourself unexpected and turbulent diarrhea.

5) Take twice the recommended dose of anti depressants, anti anxiety meds and stimulants all at once and enjoy the ensuing emotional roller coaster ride. While you’re crying in the corner, be sure to have your spouse/friend/brother tell you that the emotions you’re experiencing “don’t count” because you’re just PMS-ing.

6) Since you don’t have ovaries, I’d like you to try the following: Use a foreign object to bruise your testicles so that they swell twice their size… No, this is not a fantasy for me… PROMISE.

7) Give yourself a hard push off your kitchen counter and smack the hard tile floor with your lower back. This will ensure the pain of your backache will be felt with every blasted step. Continue to smile as if NOTHING is wrong and function-full steam ahead…

8) Have a sumo wrestler body slam and then squeeze your pectoral muscles until they turn blue.This will ensure the proper amount of breast tenderness and swelling that you’ll feel with every sudden movement or intake of breath.

9) I cannot help you with the bleeding factor, so I will give you this last bit of advice: Stand on any crowded street corner, or in the middle of any store, and LOUDLY say to any woman what you just said to me. I guarantee you will experience an ample amount of pain and blood loss.


Your mother should have taught you better


One Response to “9 Steps to Empathy — Guest Post!”

  1. LOL! for real!!! I love the illustrations! Another good funny from you and hmtee!! (Hi, hmtee! xoxo)

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