Designated Driver

My sister, mom and BFF have begun planning my baby shower lately. And I just can’t help but remember my bridal shower — more specifically, the night before my bridal shower… *cue flashback effects*
I went to bed early that night because I was going to get up the next morning and drive an hour to pick up one of my carless bridesmaids so she could attend. The next thing I remember after going to bed is standing downstairs with a coat and boots pulled over my pajamas, car keys in hand and an urgent feeling that I needed to drive to a nearby town to rescue my friend, “Anka.” My little brother was still up and on the computer, so after determining that it was about 3:30am, I told him where I was going “even though I probably only dreamed it…” I was not coherent enough to check my cell phone’s history and see that Anka had indeed called me and I must have spoken to her while not quite awake yet.
So I drive to the small town and feel that I’m supposed to just go down the main street. Sure enough, sitting on a retaining wall by the street is Anka and her friend “Hallie.” They are both giggling, stumbling drunk and this reminds me of why I needed to come pick them up. There has been some sort of crisis, I discover, involving Anka’s boyfriend, “Steve,” who was to have been their designated driver for the evening. I follow their tipsy directions to someone’s apartment and go in with them where I find others of their friends congregated trying to best figure out how to resolve The Situation.
The Situation, as I managed to piece together was this: A group of them had attended the local theatre’s Midnight Follies, which was a live performance beginning at midnight and was BYOB. Steve, being the DD, only drank a six-pack of beer over the course of the performance (which is really nothing to him; he’s a big guy who used to drink with a frat, so that much beer over that amount of time may as well have been water). Anka and Hallie, however, were drinking more and are much lighter weights when it comes to alcohol consumption, so they were solidly in the state of tipsy or beyond. After the show, they were returning to their vehicle when Steve decides he needs to pee — never mind that they had just left a building with perfectly operational bathrooms — so he steps behind a large tree on Main Street and attends to his business. Now, the police in this small town knew that there were midnight follies going on that evening; they were also aware that the event was BYOB, so they had plenty of officers on hand to prevent any drunk driving. They did see Steve relieving himself and naturally assumed he was drunk. He was promptly arrested for public drunkenness (without any sobriety tests administered, because for Pete’s sake, he was peeing on a tree in public!). Hallie and Anka were then left in the awkward position of explaining to the remaining officer that no, they certainly weren’t about to drive in their current state because, A) their DD had just been arrested, and B) he’d had the car keys in his pocket.  Then, under the policeman’s watchful eye, they went through the list of people who could give them a ride and who were not also drunk. My name was evidently at the top of the list, so that is how I came to be in a stranger’s apartment at 4am in my pajamas. Anka was still too tipsy to be allowed into the police station to bail Steve out, so the current debate was do we call Steve’s mom? His sister the Methodist minister? His other sister? The other sister thankfully answered her phone and with that, I decided to go back home and to bed.
I was woefully sleep-deprived the next day, but still had a lovely bridal shower. I think if anything that exciting happens before my baby shower, I will play the Pregnant Card and stay in bed.

3 Responses to “Designated Driver”

  1. Ah, yes….we still laugh about this sometime. And you definitely will play the pregnant card and stay in bed! However, it’s 6 years later and surely “Steve” has learned not to pee in public and your friends have learned not to get drunk the night before an important event to which they are invited, and not to call the honoree of this event to come get them at 3:30 in the morning.

  2. Just be sure you pee first. 🙂

    • Evil Bekka Says:

      lol… although this is hilarious, since I’ve been pregnant, I have crouched behind more trees and bushes to pee than you want to know about… At least I always make sure to post a lookout or otherwise ensure there are no witnesses.

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