Archive for the Evil Deeds, Sneakiness & Skullduggery Category

Taste Tester

Posted in In Real Life with tags , , on March 26, 2015 by Bekka

Margarita with lime in a margarita glass.The other day, Garian was mixing up one of his delicious margaritas and the Spawn naturally found this whole pouring, shaking, glass-embellishing process extremely fascinating. By the time he tucked the lime on the edge of the deep blue glass, she was begging for a taste. I envy those who have not yet met the gut-wrenching gaze of her huge, pleading hazel eyes, as she says “Peeeeeese? It’s so bootiful…” The adorable is almost too much. But we are good parents and that won the day, so Garian finally let her just lick some salt and lime juice off the edge of the glass while he explained that it was a grown-up drink and she probably wouldn’t like it. She stared earnestly at him and replied, “But I might like it. You should let me try.”

Ever regret teaching your child to think positively?

We do encourage her to try things and she is far from a picky eater, so I have let her try a drop of coffee before, knowing that the bitterness would reinforce the rule she already knows well: that she can have coffee when she’s 18. This morning she asked again to taste my coffee and I reminded her that she didn’t like it. She persisted, so I said, “Well, all right. You can have one sip.” She broke into a sunny smile and said, “Oh, thank you! It will be awful!

Sometimes I just don’t know about that kid.

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First World Problems For Today

Posted in Airing of Grievances, In Real Life with tags , , , , , , on August 19, 2014 by Bekka

Ketchup

Shake it up – check.

Squeeze it ever so gently. No ketchup.

Squeeze it slightly harder. No ketchup.

Squeeze it slightly harder. No ketchup.

Adjust grip to two hands and squeeze it ever so slightly harder. No ketchup.

Squeeze it slightly harder. ALL THE KETCHUP.

Updating Adobe Flash Player

Computer: Your Adobe updates are ready to install.

Me: Ok, ok, I’m in the middle of this… Just do it.

Computer: Yes, ma’am! (smirks evilly)

Computer: Your update install is complete! See what I did for you?

Me: (swears and uninstalls McAffee Security Scan.) Every. Damn. Time.

What are your First World Problems today?

Whine about them in the comments and I’ll be sympathetic with a minimum of mockery…

Weird Conversations With Your Baby

Posted in In Real Life with tags , , , on July 12, 2014 by Bekka

Filed under “Things I Never Imagined I’d Say to My 1-yr-Old”…

The following dialogue occurred after the Spawn managed to get hold of Lords of War and mix up 4 decks. We always pick up our own messes, so while we were sorting things back out, it sounded like this:

Me: No, that’s an Elf, so it goes here. Yes, the Zombie does go with the Undead — good job!”

Squeaker: Mm-HM!

Me: Yep, the Banshee goes there and it’s a good bet that anyone in green holding a bow will be an Elf… More Templars… How did you even get these?

Squeaker: Mama drink coffee!

Evil Bekka’s Guide To Communication

Posted in Evil Deeds, Sneakiness & Skullduggery, In Real Life with tags , , , , , , , on October 3, 2013 by Bekka

I have been working on editing, layout and graphics for some self-improvement books (shameless plug: I am awesome at book layout, formatting for print and ebook and now I know CreateSpace!), one of which is about Communication. So, as I go through this text, I can’t help but absorb some of its lessons and I am starting to pay more attention to my own communication patterns, speech, and habits. I have noticed distinct tactics and phrases I use frequently in my daily life to influence others to do my bidding facilitate better cooperation and understanding between people. These tactics and phrases are surprisingly simple and not quite what you’d expect. True to my generous nature, I am now sharing this wisdom with you — may these phrases help you in your own communications…

Turn No into Yes (ie, you just missed your Persuade roll)

Try saying, “Oh, come on!” with your most winning smile. If you can, follow it quickly with an additional offer. Works three out of four times for me. Example:

Me: Why don’t you guys stay a little longer for a quick game of Catan?

“Luna”: I need to go feed my cats. They aren’t fat enough and they’ll think I stopped loving them if I feed them at midnight instead of 11…

Me: Oh, come on! You can be green.

Luna: OK!

Although the success rate is admittedly much lower when I’m trying to complete a lop-sided trade in Catan…

Me: I’ll trade you a sheep for that ore you just got!

Garian: No, I don’t need sheep…

Me: It can dance! Why don’t you give me two ore for this amazing sheep?

Garian: No.

Me: Oh, come on!

Garian: Well, let me think about it… NO.

That was a dramatization. But seriously, try it. It works. And you have nothing to lose — they already said No.

When You Aren’t Getting Your Way

Try looking distressed and sincere while you say in a very serious tone, “But you don’t understand — I want to.” Keep attempting to do what you were doing before and see if the person has the nerve to deny you after that heartfelt explanation. This should NOT be used to infringe on other people’s safety, personal space, or rights, however — I may be “evil,” but there are lines, and great power = responsibility, etc. so play nice.

The Ultimate Argument Winner

This conversational gambit is awesome and there is so far no discovered counter for it. It’s my go-to whenever someone criticizes something about me or my life, and when you are just failing to see eye to eye and need the scene to end, this will do the trick nicely. I can’t, however, take credit for this one… cue flashback effects:

I once did some time filling in as a Legal Secretary for a friend while she had an afternoon class. The lawyer she worked for was reputed to be a very good lawyer, but quite possibly either a sociopath or the Anti-Christ (reports were varied). Anyway, she didn’t give me much trouble, so I thought maybe there was some exaggeration at work. Until one day… I was typing some document or other from recorded dictation (because she’d hand-write even her emails, record them, have them typed, printed, she’d proof them, make changes, have them typed again, printed and after she signed off on them they could be sent or printed on letterhead) when her adult son came by the office to make some copies. The copier was behind my desk, so he was back there copying away when the lawyer came in and started talking with him. This somehow turned into an argument with her standing in front of my desk, while I attempted to shrink down and turn the dictation tape up louder and louder as they shouted at each other over my head.

Despite my efforts, I heard the son finally yell in frustration, “How do you not have a key to your own house?!

And the lawyer responded with, “YOU DON’T KNOW HOW WE LIVE!

It was then that I decided she was perhaps certifiable and/or brilliant. Think about it. What situation can a righteously offended facial expression and the phrase “You don’t know how we live!’ not resolve? Other people can’t know exactly how you live, not even if they live with you. There just isn’t a great comeback to it and even if you come off as ridiculous as she did, you can tell yourself that you still “won” the argument.

So, there you have my top three conversational gems. Try to use them wisely… What communication tools/tactics/comebacks do you find indispensable? Tell me in the comments!

When I Say I’m Going To Do Something…

Posted in Evil Deeds, Sneakiness & Skullduggery, In Real Life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 3, 2013 by Bekka

We all remember the time I said I was going to tazer Emma? Well, that entertaining situation came about because when I say I’m going to do something I do it. That’s also why I can be annoyingly non-committal at times, but that’s another story. This Lawful compunction to keep my word has backfired on a few occasions. One of the funnier ones was during a casual conversation with some friends…

Exposition: My husband, “Garian” has this best friend from high school who we will call “Ace.” Ace has long been in a relationship with “Maire.” They are a fun and eccentric couple. Anyway, I didn’t get to know them very well until Garian and I had been married a few years. I gradually realized that Garian had evidently found the female version of his best friend to marry and Ace had found a female version of Garian to be with. Now there are differences to be sure (I am much sneakier than Ace and Maire is less mischievous than Garian), but the similarities between baseline personalities and quirks are downright eerie (I’m talking like the exact same food preferences and dislikes type of similarities). Maire and I give our respective partners grief about this quite a lot.

So sometimes there will be conversations that aren’t quite arguments between one of the couples and Ace and I will take the same side (often with the exact same reasoning and phrases) while Maire and Garian take the other — it’s like doubles ping-pong for arguments. On this occasion, Garian was trying to convince me that I really did like it when he playfully licked my ear or nose. Garian’s high Charisma Rating aside, I do not like being licked. Neither does Ace, of course, but naturally Maire is also a licker and took Garian’s side because she and Ace had had the same conversation before. After some back and forth between the four of us I finally said, “Fine. We will try it. I’ll lick Ace and nobody will be happy.” Ace expressed his disapproval of this plan and the subject was dropped.

But. I had said I would lick Ace. I said it. It went on the to do list in the back of my mind where it remained for some time, gradually eating away at my Lawful Alignment until my word could be kept and honor restored. Months later, we were sharing a hotel room with Ace and Maire on a trip. Garian was in the shower, Maire was putting on her shoes and I was brushing my hair at the mirror. Ace leaned over to use the mirror as well. I took the Attack of Opportunity and fast, like a ninja:

licker

Sometimes it’s just no fun to be right. Although I guess I wasn’t entirely right — Ace and I certainly weren’t happy, Garian was sorry he missed it, but Maire thought it was hilarious. One positive thing to come from the Licking Experiment however, is that anytime the old Licking Debate comes up, Ace and I can say we’ve tried it, didn’t like it, and please drop it. Then we get laughed at by Maire and Garian. So that’s sort of like we won that argument?…isn’t it? I’m thinking of trying to change my Alignment to True Neutral or Neutral Good…

What do you say? Are you Pro or Anti Licking/Being Licked? Anyone ever change their stance after “practice” or being subjected to compelling arguments for or against it?

That Awkward Moment When…

Posted in In Real Life with tags , , , , , , on January 16, 2013 by Bekka

Me (after a spirited refutation of one of Garian’s ridiculous schemes): “Well, one of us has to be the Sane One in this relationship.”

Garian: “What?!”

Both (simultaneously):You’re the Crazy One! I’m the Sane One.”

There is a weighty pause as we stare at each other in surprise and dawning realization that there probably isn’t a Sane One in this relationship.

We may just be Doomed. But I can’t think of a better person to be doomed with.

Game of Thrones Board Game

Posted in In Real Life, In the Gaming Realms with tags , , , , , , , on December 16, 2012 by Bekka

I love the Song of Ice and Fire books by George R. R. Martin. The board game is really well done and is fantastic at emulating the feel of the plotlines and situations in the story… We always dive into a game with happy anticipation, general friendliness and understandings of alliances. By turn three, it’s pretty much like this:

GoTAnyone else played this game? Ever had one where Westeros was politely divided up without making you hate your friends? Didn’t think so.