Archive for food

First World Problems For Today

Posted in Airing of Grievances, In Real Life with tags , , , , , , on August 19, 2014 by Bekka

Ketchup

Shake it up – check.

Squeeze it ever so gently. No ketchup.

Squeeze it slightly harder. No ketchup.

Squeeze it slightly harder. No ketchup.

Adjust grip to two hands and squeeze it ever so slightly harder. No ketchup.

Squeeze it slightly harder. ALL THE KETCHUP.

Updating Adobe Flash Player

Computer: Your Adobe updates are ready to install.

Me: Ok, ok, I’m in the middle of this… Just do it.

Computer: Yes, ma’am! (smirks evilly)

Computer: Your update install is complete! See what I did for you?

Me: (swears and uninstalls McAffee Security Scan.) Every. Damn. Time.

What are your First World Problems today?

Whine about them in the comments and I’ll be sympathetic with a minimum of mockery…

Cubicle Conversations II

Posted in From the Cubicle Trenches with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 29, 2011 by Bekka

I have had the Upper Respiratory Plague this week, so aside from plotting Dark Vengeance on the Carrier Monkey (Richard The Knave, I’m glaring at you…) I have not gotten much done. So I am publishing another overheard conversation for your reading pleasure:

Plodding through another sleep-deprived, 11 hour work day the following eavesdroppings cheered me up a bit. Our old friends “Daryl” and “Robbie” are present as well as a new character who we will refer to as “Mitch” – a smirking sort of fellow with an athletic, monkey-style build; fond of football and foosball, often makes funny snide remarks.
There is no conversation going on. The following dialogue interrupts the tapping of keyboards and occasional background work-related talk.

Daryl (out of nowhere to no one):  Would you rather be suffocated by eating a donut or a hoagie?
Mitch:  What?!
Daryl:  (repeats)
Mitch:  Donut.
Daryl:  Why?
Mitch:  Donut tastes better.
Daryl:  What if it was one of them sugar free ones?
Mitch:  Do they suffocate you?
Daryl:  No, you’re suffocating either way —
Robbie (interrupts):  But donuts have holes, right?
Daryl:  What do you mean by that? You’re sick.
Robbie (mock surprised):  I’m sick? I just said –
Daryl:  You’re violating borders, man…

Is this a typical male conversation? Is that what they think about? Or were these guys just addled by the relentless overtime and overwhelming futility of that particular job?

Assembly Line Burger Please

Posted in Airing of Grievances with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 8, 2011 by Bekka

So I was driving yesterday and saw a billboard advertising “Hand-Breaded Chicken Sandwiches.” That set off an internal monologue rant going something like this:

“What does that even mean?? That you put hands in the bread crumbs? Is there blood in the ‘special sauce’ too? While we’re on the subject, what’s with the advertising trend for ‘Hand Crafted Burgers?’ When did slapping some meat, veggies and sauce between two pieces of bread in under two minutes become a ‘craft’? Do you need special training and certification to be a Burger Crafter? Is it Folk Art?

Stop trying to appeal to yuppie gourmands already! You are a fast food place. People give you their money in exchange for quick, cheap, greasy deliciousness, not for a ‘Dining Experience;’ accept this and deal with it. Besides, all that talk of hand crafting, hand breading and hand spun milkshakes conjures up images of your underpaid, unwashed, nose-picking hands all over the things I’m about to put in my mouth.

Can we please have some food prepared by sanitary robots?

At least Pal’s knows what appeals to their target market:

That’s right. Bacon. Quick, cheap, greasy deliciousness.”

What advertising trends are you sick of? Do you like the idea of hand-crafted food? Tell me why in the comments!