Archive for relationship

When I Say I’m Going To Do Something…

Posted in Evil Deeds, Sneakiness & Skullduggery, In Real Life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 3, 2013 by Bekka

We all remember the time I said I was going to tazer Emma? Well, that entertaining situation came about because when I say I’m going to do something I do it. That’s also why I can be annoyingly non-committal at times, but that’s another story. This Lawful compunction to keep my word has backfired on a few occasions. One of the funnier ones was during a casual conversation with some friends…

Exposition: My husband, “Garian” has this best friend from high school who we will call “Ace.” Ace has long been in a relationship with “Maire.” They are a fun and eccentric couple. Anyway, I didn’t get to know them very well until Garian and I had been married a few years. I gradually realized that Garian had evidently found the female version of his best friend to marry and Ace had found a female version of Garian to be with. Now there are differences to be sure (I am much sneakier than Ace and Maire is less mischievous than Garian), but the similarities between baseline personalities and quirks are downright eerie (I’m talking like the exact same food preferences and dislikes type of similarities). Maire and I give our respective partners grief about this quite a lot.

So sometimes there will be conversations that aren’t quite arguments between one of the couples and Ace and I will take the same side (often with the exact same reasoning and phrases) while Maire and Garian take the other — it’s like doubles ping-pong for arguments. On this occasion, Garian was trying to convince me that I really did like it when he playfully licked my ear or nose. Garian’s high Charisma Rating aside, I do not like being licked. Neither does Ace, of course, but naturally Maire is also a licker and took Garian’s side because she and Ace had had the same conversation before. After some back and forth between the four of us I finally said, “Fine. We will try it. I’ll lick Ace and nobody will be happy.” Ace expressed his disapproval of this plan and the subject was dropped.

But. I had said I would lick Ace. I said it. It went on the to do list in the back of my mind where it remained for some time, gradually eating away at my Lawful Alignment until my word could be kept and honor restored. Months later, we were sharing a hotel room with Ace and Maire on a trip. Garian was in the shower, Maire was putting on her shoes and I was brushing my hair at the mirror. Ace leaned over to use the mirror as well. I took the Attack of Opportunity and fast, like a ninja:


Sometimes it’s just no fun to be right. Although I guess I wasn’t entirely right — Ace and I certainly weren’t happy, Garian was sorry he missed it, but Maire thought it was hilarious. One positive thing to come from the Licking Experiment however, is that anytime the old Licking Debate comes up, Ace and I can say we’ve tried it, didn’t like it, and please drop it. Then we get laughed at by Maire and Garian. So that’s sort of like we won that argument?…isn’t it? I’m thinking of trying to change my Alignment to True Neutral or Neutral Good…

What do you say? Are you Pro or Anti Licking/Being Licked? Anyone ever change their stance after “practice” or being subjected to compelling arguments for or against it?


That Awkward Moment When…

Posted in In Real Life with tags , , , , , , on January 16, 2013 by Bekka

Me (after a spirited refutation of one of Garian’s ridiculous schemes): “Well, one of us has to be the Sane One in this relationship.”

Garian: “What?!”

Both (simultaneously):You’re the Crazy One! I’m the Sane One.”

There is a weighty pause as we stare at each other in surprise and dawning realization that there probably isn’t a Sane One in this relationship.

We may just be Doomed. But I can’t think of a better person to be doomed with.

Lies You Should Tell Your Wife

Posted in Airing of Grievances with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 27, 2011 by Bekka

I feel the need to address this topic because I had thought that some of my friends were smart enough to know when to varnish the truth a bit with their wife or significant other, but as it turns out, this is not the case.

We’ll start with the easy ones.

1) That outfit never makes us look fat/ skinny/ old/ ugly/ jaundiced/ washed out/ trampy. Most guys know enough to either beat a hasty retreat, mumble incoherently or to lie when this landmine gets dropped. Here is a secret: we’re going to wear what we want to anyway, regardless of your real or professed opinion. We even appreciate poorly executed lying as it demonstrates that you care about our self-esteem. HOWEVER, the correct answer is NEVER “No, honey. Your ass makes you look fat.”

2) You always appreciate our cooking. Because it’s something you get to eat that you didn’t have to lift a finger for even if it tastes like rancor vomit. Add some salt, choke down at least a few bites and offer to do the dishes. We’ll be pleased with your consideration and probably not notice how much you didn’t eat. Now, notice I said “appreciate” — if you really sell the “it’s the best thing I’ve ever eaten!” we will make it for you again. And again. So select your level of untruth carefully. And if she’s just not a good cook, offer to make the dinner next time. If you go that route, however, know your limits and don’t go crazy. For example, I am fully aware that when Garian says he’ll handle dinner I can expect takeout or frozen pizza. We are both satisfied with this arrangement as it prevents me from coming home to a houseful of smoke… again.

3) The one you are with now is always the best kisser/lover you’ve ever been with. You would think this one is a no-brainer, but evidently, some men have a little too much in the way of brains. When I was in college, I had some classes with “Harold.” We had a lot in common and tried dating for a couple months before it became evident that we worked better as friends, so we went back to Just Friends. We were both friends with “Elle” as well and some time after we had all graduated, Elle and Harold became an item and eventually got engaged. Why is this relevant, you ask? Well, some evening or other when Elle and Harold were expressing their affections for each other — I don’t know how it came up, but if he volunteered it out of the blue, he must have self-destructive tendencies — Harold admitted that he thought I was a better kisser than Elle. That pretty much killed the mood. Elle, being one of my BFFs, naturally told me about it at the next get together and this led to all sorts of fun at poor Harold’s expense. Not only did he get teased and lectured by the other guys in our group of friends, but Elle and I invented a fun game where I’d say I felt so sorry for her and was going to teach her how to be a better kisser. Then we’d leave the room and make suggestive noises and giggling. Occasionally one of us will still suddenly ask Harold who’s a better kisser and he now knows the correct answer and says “Elle.” Sometimes he can’t resist adding that she’s come such a long way in that department (they are married now, btw).

Part Two: This story had provided much amusement and we hadn’t teased Harold about it for several months, when Garian and I were on a long road trip to somewhere or other. The conversation had died down and we were both sitting in comfortable silence with our thoughts, when Garian blurts out, “I just can’t believe that Harold thought you were a better kisser than Elle!”  … … … (that is the sound of me being speechless) He then defended his statement by asserting that — while he appreciated the gesture and enthusiasm — I was fairly inexperienced at kissing when we started dating and that was Post-Harold; whereas Elle had been with a few other people Pre-Harold, so she was likely better at it. I allowed he made a good point, but asked what he hoped to gain by proving said point — besides a few nights on the guest bed and my eternal suspicion that he and Elle had made out at some time unbeknownst to me. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. Apparently, we have such an honest and close marriage that he was just openly sharing his thoughts with me. Guys, take note: these are the sorts of thoughts that it’s ok for you to have; you are welcome to think anything you like, but please ponder the consequences a moment before sharing such thoughts with others… especially your wife. Garian’s faux pas of course became fodder for much more merriment in our circle, because that’s how we roll. And I turned it to happy personal gain by insisting he should then give me more practice time (with him).

Now, this next one is important and I’m not naming names or even aliases in order to protect the guilty.

4) If you manage to sleep through intimate activities, please, for the love God, don’t admit it the next day. So, I’m having dinner with some girlfriends and it comes up that one friend’s partner had seemed to have a great time during some very nice things she had done for him, but was actually just dead tired and sound asleep and had no memory of it the next day. She barely finishes this story, when another friend says, “Oh, he does that too?!” We’re like, “What do you mean ‘too?'” Her fellow apparently had slept through a number of moments that she had thought were quite special and intimate… And then told her he had the next day! Dudes, don’t do that! If you can thrill your wife in your sleep, good for you, but at least practice saying, “Yeah, that was awesome.” Instead of, “Oh, you did what? Well, wake me up next time.”

And there you have it. Are there any relationship-saving lies I have missed? Would someone like to argue for harsh and utter honesty? Discuss in the comments!