First World Problems For Today

Posted in Airing of Grievances, In Real Life with tags , , , , , , on August 19, 2014 by Evil Bekka

Ketchup

Shake it up – check.

Squeeze it ever so gently. No ketchup.

Squeeze it slightly harder. No ketchup.

Squeeze it slightly harder. No ketchup.

Adjust grip to two hands and squeeze it ever so slightly harder. No ketchup.

Squeeze it slightly harder. ALL THE KETCHUP.

Updating Adobe Flash Player

Computer: Your Adobe updates are ready to install.

Me: Ok, ok, I’m in the middle of this… Just do it.

Computer: Yes, ma’am! (smirks evilly)

Computer: Your update install is complete! See what I did for you?

Me: (swears and uninstalls McAffee Security Scan.) Every. Damn. Time.

What are your First World Problems today?

Whine about them in the comments and I’ll be sympathetic with a minimum of mockery…

The Hungry Ghost

Posted in Airing of Grievances on August 13, 2014 by Evil Bekka

Evil Bekka:

This is why a lot of people create things I think… There are more of us out there than you may suspect. Putting a face on your demons helps you visualize yourself defeating them. We all play out these stories in our heads — if you can get yours out in some constructive way that can resonate with others, I think that’s progress.

Originally posted on Hints and Allegations:

Its not a demon.  Demons imply free will and choice and there isn’t a choice.  Demon also implies that it can be exercised and removed like a tumor.  That isn’t even close to it.  We refer to it as the Hungry Ghost.  In the Hindu religion when a soul dies with anger or through some sort of tragic incident like suicide it becomes a ghost that follows people who are going through similar situations and starts to consume its krama. There is a hole in the ghost that it tries to fill with that person.  There is an incomplete creature that attempts to eat away taking someone down with them. It often destroys the soul of the person that the ghosts attack.  When I started writing again after a year’s hiatus I envisioned it as such.  A wraith that would sit on the edge of my bed with its black…

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Weird Conversations With Your Baby

Posted in In Real Life with tags , , , on July 12, 2014 by Evil Bekka

Filed under “Things I Never Imagined I’d Say to My 1-yr-Old”…

The following dialogue occurred after the Spawn managed to get hold of Lords of War and mix up 4 decks. We always pick up our own messes, so while we were sorting things back out, it sounded like this:

Me: No, that’s an Elf, so it goes here. Yes, the Zombie does go with the Undead — good job!”

Squeaker: Mm-HM!

Me: Yep, the Banshee goes there and it’s a good bet that anyone in green holding a bow will be an Elf… More Templars… How did you even get these?

Squeaker: Mama drink coffee!

Murphy’s Law

Posted in Airing of Grievances with tags , , , , , , , on March 6, 2014 by Evil Bekka

It’s been kind of a rough week, so since I didn’t have a ton of time-sensitive things to do today, I blocked out some Me Time. Dropped The Daughter off at her grandparents’, took a nice long shower, and decided to try some new henna hair treatment. Now, I’ve done henna before and it’s messy, so my best hack for not ruining clothes or towels draped over clothes is to apply hair coloring in the buff. Therefore, post-shower, I’m humming along, glopping this baby-poop colored and textured substance happily onto my head, and just when I get it spiked into some really interesting formations… the doorbell rings. The doorbell. I mean, who does that anymore? It’s too early for mail or UPS, I’m not expecting anyone, so it must be the dreaded Pop-Over Visit or someone selling something. If I could have been sure that it was a salesman, I’d have gone and answered it in my birthday suit, my hair all caked in goo, and explained that now was not a good time. If they still went ahead with their pitch, then props to them for poise. But… it could have been a neighbor. We have some new ones next door whom we’ve not frightened off yet and we do like them. It could also have been Girl Scouts — it’s cookie time, you know.

So, hilarious as that choice would have been for somebody, I remained in the bathroom ’til whoever it was went away. They didn’t leave a package or note, so the mystery remains. I hope it wasn’t Publisher’s Clearing House. Oh, well.

What’s the most ridiculous get-up you’ve ever gone to the door in?

My Good Deed For The Day (or maybe month…)

Posted in Art & Design Stuff with tags , , , , , , , , on October 16, 2013 by Evil Bekka

I do in fact perform Good Deeds on occasion. For the next 10 days I am loaning one of my t-shirt designs to the terrific geeky folks at Not Dead Yet Games to use for a fundraiser to order prototypes for reviewers and advertising for their upcoming board game Kickstarter. It will be back in Evil Bekka’s Shop after that at its usual (higher!) price.

So if you like this design, getting good deals, and supporting awesome indie board games, go order one (or five)!!

keep calm and carry shirt image

at http://www.tfund.com/HostileTakeover

And do a good deed once in a while… It feels all warm and fuzzy… Like my insides are full of happy kittens…

Yeah, That Just Happened…

Posted in Airing of Grievances with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2013 by Evil Bekka

Me: I’m thirsty. Good thing I have this glass of water.

GM in the Sky: Make a Dex check to drink that.

Me: What?!

GM in the Sky: You’re distracted by work, that’s a minus…

Me: (rolls figurative dice)

GM in the Sky: That’s a big Fail. You dump water on yourself.

Me: fffffffff!!! OK, I’m paying attention now. I really want to drink the water. (rolls figurative dice)

GM in the Sky: Wow, fail again. Maybe if you weren’t distracted by whining about how unfair the first roll was… You dump the rest of the glass on yourself.

Me: (flips figurative table) WHO MAKES YOU ROLL FOR THAT?!

So, how’s your Friday going? 

Evil Bekka’s Guide To Communication

Posted in Evil Deeds, Sneakiness & Skullduggery, In Real Life with tags , , , , , , , on October 3, 2013 by Evil Bekka

I have been working on editing, layout and graphics for some self-improvement books (shameless plug: I am awesome at book layout, formatting for print and ebook and now I know CreateSpace!), one of which is about Communication. So, as I go through this text, I can’t help but absorb some of its lessons and I am starting to pay more attention to my own communication patterns, speech, and habits. I have noticed distinct tactics and phrases I use frequently in my daily life to influence others to do my bidding facilitate better cooperation and understanding between people. These tactics and phrases are surprisingly simple and not quite what you’d expect. True to my generous nature, I am now sharing this wisdom with you — may these phrases help you in your own communications…

Turn No into Yes (ie, you just missed your Persuade roll)

Try saying, “Oh, come on!” with your most winning smile. If you can, follow it quickly with an additional offer. Works three out of four times for me. Example:

Me: Why don’t you guys stay a little longer for a quick game of Catan?

“Luna”: I need to go feed my cats. They aren’t fat enough and they’ll think I stopped loving them if I feed them at midnight instead of 11…

Me: Oh, come on! You can be green.

Luna: OK!

Although the success rate is admittedly much lower when I’m trying to complete a lop-sided trade in Catan…

Me: I’ll trade you a sheep for that ore you just got!

Garian: No, I don’t need sheep…

Me: It can dance! Why don’t you give me two ore for this amazing sheep?

Garian: No.

Me: Oh, come on!

Garian: Well, let me think about it… NO.

That was a dramatization. But seriously, try it. It works. And you have nothing to lose — they already said No.

When You Aren’t Getting Your Way

Try looking distressed and sincere while you say in a very serious tone, “But you don’t understand — I want to.” Keep attempting to do what you were doing before and see if the person has the nerve to deny you after that heartfelt explanation. This should NOT be used to infringe on other people’s safety, personal space, or rights, however — I may be “evil,” but there are lines, and great power = responsibility, etc. so play nice.

The Ultimate Argument Winner

This conversational gambit is awesome and there is so far no discovered counter for it. It’s my go-to whenever someone criticizes something about me or my life, and when you are just failing to see eye to eye and need the scene to end, this will do the trick nicely. I can’t, however, take credit for this one… cue flashback effects:

I once did some time filling in as a Legal Secretary for a friend while she had an afternoon class. The lawyer she worked for was reputed to be a very good lawyer, but quite possibly either a sociopath or the Anti-Christ (reports were varied). Anyway, she didn’t give me much trouble, so I thought maybe there was some exaggeration at work. Until one day… I was typing some document or other from recorded dictation (because she’d hand-write even her emails, record them, have them typed, printed, she’d proof them, make changes, have them typed again, printed and after she signed off on them they could be sent or printed on letterhead) when her adult son came by the office to make some copies. The copier was behind my desk, so he was back there copying away when the lawyer came in and started talking with him. This somehow turned into an argument with her standing in front of my desk, while I attempted to shrink down and turn the dictation tape up louder and louder as they shouted at each other over my head.

Despite my efforts, I heard the son finally yell in frustration, “How do you not have a key to your own house?!

And the lawyer responded with, “YOU DON’T KNOW HOW WE LIVE!

It was then that I decided she was perhaps certifiable and/or brilliant. Think about it. What situation can a righteously offended facial expression and the phrase “You don’t know how we live!’ not resolve? Other people can’t know exactly how you live, not even if they live with you. There just isn’t a great comeback to it and even if you come off as ridiculous as she did, you can tell yourself that you still “won” the argument.

So, there you have my top three conversational gems. Try to use them wisely… What communication tools/tactics/comebacks do you find indispensable? Tell me in the comments!

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